Just one step away

Every night i decided 
I wont cry tonight
I wont choke up on my own tears
Wont cry myself to sleep not tonight atleast

Every night i decided i wont have those pills again
I wont think about it whats gone is gone
I will just say a little prayer and send him some light
I wont gulp down that sweet syrup that helps me forget it

Every night i stay awake checking if the phone rang
Shuddering that it may ring when i am asleep 
I just delay my nights

But not tonight, tonight is different, tonight there is hope,
Night peaceful eternal night is just one step away